twisted

i think this one needs looked at from all angles like some of the previous. enjoy.

wireless woes, digital hoes

it was just a year ago that i was boasting about my new beautiful laptop and all of her sexiness. she came to me fashioned in the traditional 'mto-style' from dell who guaranteed her loyalty and undying devotion. they lied. that bitch has cheated on me plenty, pumping her wires full of disease that she's clearly been downloading while i'm away at work. i tried to protect her with passwords and encryptions but i still come home everyday to find her sitting right where i left her, cracked out and slow from whoring herself out all day. who knows what kinda filth has invaded her hard drive? i can't allow this disservice to go on any longer and so i am dumping her; scratching her memory and rebuilding. she'll hopefully be back in a few short hours with a reminder of where her loyalties lie.

once you go black...

the theory is that a black-screen-version of google would save 750megawatt-hours per year given the vast popularity of the search engine. the goal is to bring consciousness to the importance of doing everything you can to conserve energy. read more and use it @ http://www.blackle.com/.

two halves

plants and plants and plants

... or so said tori. whatcha think?

perceptive perspective

okay, so i didn't sketch this piece the way you're looking at it now. it wasn't sketched for me anyway. this perspective was agreed to be the most interesting but i encourage you to rotate your laptop and check out some other perspectives. i really like this piece. hope you do too.

back off

cover up

the notebook. i had to post it before it fell apart completely.
wanna see inside?

listen now, watch dem later

3canal - womex update: a new podcast w/ 3canal is available @ caribbean free radio discussing their recent ReThePublic concert in port of spain, trinidad and their upcoming venue; the world music tour (womex) in seville, spain. check out the podcast, then buy a ticket and go see. ticket info is right here.

all scrubbed out

so it's premiere week(s) on television here in the united states which means all the stations you tune in to scramble all of your favourite shows just to put you through the hassle of rescheduling your typical weeknight around the idiot box in front of you. fuck, go read a book. an example anyway. comedy central seems to believe that we aren't already getting our full dose of nbc's scrubs after making it their 'goto filler' for the last 8months so they thought it a good idea to cram more of the show down our throats by broadcasting another hour right before the one program i actually care about: the daily show. if it weren't for carla always looking so fine i could never bear to watch. thank you ms. judy reyes - i'm available. at the recommendation of sweet trini (always on top of her pop culture game), i recently picked up coupling on bbc america which helped me replace the sitcom i had become bored with (-carla) with a wonderfully witty, well-written show; the show friends wished it could have been, as it was said to me. tonight, bbc changed their nightly schedule as well so that i can no longer watch coupling @10p, not that i can complain too much since bbc america thankfully shows their best programs including torchwood and top gear on comcast's ondemand... and though i've admitted it before, it is still comcastic.

charming innovation

as it turns out, i'm not the only person who likes the lucky charms cereal more than the lucky charms marshmallow enough to pick around the charms to eat the grain. ultimately the marshmallows get eaten slowly over the duration of the process with the majority of them awaiting me at the bottom of the box.
it occurred to me that the good people at general mills should package their product in a new way: separate bags of cereal and marshmallows packaged in the same box, allowing every lucky charms enthusiast to personalise each bowl of cereal. eat a bowl full of cereal, then a bowl full of marshmallows, then mix the two to your hearts desired proportions.
for general mills the advantages are obvious. eating the two ingredients in different proportions means one could often run out of one ingredient before another, sending the consumer back to the grocery for another box so they can mix some marshmallows with that leftover cereal.
... and i'm sure their marketing department could come up with an advertising campaign for the newly bagged cereal. perhaps something about lucky (the leprechaun) trying to hide his charms from a band of pirates who of course find them and separate the riches from the worthless (in their opinion) dubbing the new cereal lucky charrrms, or maybe lucky booty, though parents may not wanna buy lucky booty for their children.
i sent general mills this comment:

as someone who loves a large variety of your cereals i often find myself enjoying them piece by piece, straight out of the box. this is particularly true with "lucky charms." i so often will eat just the cereal leaving marshmallows behind only devour them later. i’d like to suggest you could market "lucky charms" in a new way. you could keep the product in the current size boxes but package the cereal and the marshmallows in two separate, half-size bags; the idea being that one could eat only the marshmallows, the cereal and/or a mix them in any proportions. imagine, you could have a different bowl of "lucky charms" every time. after discussion with others i realised i wasn't the only "lucky charms" fan with this desire, and it suddenly seemed like a worthy idea. i also fell in love with your "nature's valley" oat and honey cereal. as an avid outdoorsman and health nut, i've always counted on "nature's valley" granola bars for energy. if the options aren't already in the works, i hope to see additional granola versions of the cereal, and would suggest peanut butter (for the kids) and banana-nut.

old school lucky looked so much cooler, don'tcha think?
ps. when general mills decides to use my idea and you find yourself thanking the cereal gods (snap, crackle and pop) for reinventing an old favourite, remember where you heard about lucky charrrms. you're welcome.

come and play

which sesame street character are you?

You are Big Bird. You are something of an eccentric, and not everyone always gives you credit for your inventiveness and intelligence. You may not always know everything, but people turn to you for your sound, unique logic. Plus, you have a big heart. Really big.

i suppose it's better than being labelled elmo.

3canal @ womex

i wouldn't be a good friend if i didn't take a second to congratulate 3canal for being one of 36 amazing musical acts selected from a pool of 600+ to perform @ womex 07 (the world music expo) in seville, spain, 24-28 october 2007. if you have the means and aren't already planning wonderful vacations to barbados. go. it will be amazing and i will be insanely jealous. while in spain, you should travel to the province of valencia to visit ciutat de les arts i de les ciencies home of the world's largest open-air aquarium, an opera house, imax, planetarium, garden, and science museum, amongst others - not to mention that it is a marvel of modern architecture. benol in valencia also plays host to tomatina, the world's largest food fight (tomatoes only) which takes place on the last wednesday of august each year - part of a week long celebration including music, dance, parades and food. originating from a friendly food fight that broke out during a carnival parade in 1944, tomatina begins and the hundred metric tons of tomatoes make to the air when a ham is pulled from the top of a large, erect, greased pole (sexy). don't wanna dye your skin marinara red for days? watch from the rooftop.

a lifting haziness

i apologise for my absence. this blog was very nearly nothing. but i've been told that nothing comes from nothing and if i am anything at all, i am a proprietor of something good, +vibes and the belief that one person can invoke change. so welcome back this crazyfool. this new leaf. better. stronger. changed. back. there is so much that could be said about the last two months - most of which lies beneath the smoke, not to be recovered. we'll progress... i was introduced to the japanese tape, which now sits on my sidebar with the others, by sweet trini who then partnered me into a project that is now commonly referred to as, i think... the japanese dub project. operations are handled by a group of good people (mostly penn state alumni) with me on the back end of it, using the copy copier borrowed from the depths of the dungeon full of dungeons, all to serve our own greedy desires to obtain amazing art. since then i have been exposed to several japanese game shows which typically involves some absurd obstacle(s) and a pool(s) of water (or mud); none more ridiculous than human tetris. it would seem that the greatest technological minds in the world prefer to run and play and slip and slide rather than answer in the form of a question. the japanese have a lighter, more youthful sense of 'game show' where fun and laughter is as much a reward as the monetary winnings. the japanese are able to laugh at themselves as they play in the mud, perhaps because they've already proven their intelligence and thus need not test it. the states, by comparison, embrace the stupid american stereotype with their game shows (excluding jeopardy), asking questions of their citizens like 'are you smarter than your 10year old?' or 'deal or no deal?' - game shows developed to push american consumerism; easy money, no brain required. what's so wrong with using your brain anyway? wrap your brain around this: a new impossible quiz. avoid it at all costs.

who are you?

how addicted to blogging are you?

64%just another form of self medication if you ask me. the image links you to the quiz. enjoy.

nutrisystem is a joke

i always seem to see catch more than my fair share those damn nutrisystem commercials when my insomnia is in full swing. for those who don't know, nutrisystem is diet, proven successful by ex-american-footballer dan marino+co. ('i lost 32lbs. in 28days. if i can do it so can you.' kinda thing) in which the nutrisystem organisation sends you their food and you magically watch the pounds fall off. so my obvious conclusion on the food is that no one should ever eat anything altered enough to force your body into burning fat without exercise, but that isn't why i write tonight. sweet trini pointed out to me some time ago a particular part of the female version of the commercial (women's before/after pictures combined with a catchy one-liner quote from each woman) where one of the spokeswomen says something along the lines of 'my husband loves the weight i've lost so much he calls me his trophy wife.' the negative implications of female image were immediately evident. so tonight's edition was a huge surprise when i took notice as the word 'jokingly' was added to the comment to be 'my husband loves the weight i've lost so much he jokingly calls me his trophy wife.' now i wonder how many people had to complain before appropriate action was taken. probably too many, but i guess the point is that the issue was acknowledged and dealt with, right?

sketches

the plan is to post items from the notebook more often - sketches first. fiction sooncome.

hand in the air

earlier this month i saw the deftones at the 930club. the best thing about the show was watching this rasta be the one to start the moshing on the main floor from up on the balcony. the rest of the show was loud enough that you couldn't understand the lyrics (courtesy 930's shitty sound system) unless you happened to already know the words which, of course, i didn't. the spit from the guy next to me told me he knew every word and probably would've continued singing each lyric if i hadn't stopped him to give warning that his spit would be his demise if it touched me again (the second near fight in as many visits).
spit, shit sound, and a cramped space contributed poor vibes and once again i was reminded why i don't like the 930club and why i will always prefer an outdoor venue.
refuge: i luckily spent last night racing around maryland venues, catching first, the long awaited manu chao at the merriweather amphitheatre, followed by machel mantano at the boardwater estate (thank you dc carnival). both outdoor venues, both great shows, both carrying crazy positive vibes. i was wining and jumping and dancing with the best of dem, all the while throwing an eye to the stage to watch two artists that i have grown to love and appreciate; regardless of my ability to comprehend every lyric.
the only downfall of either show was simply that neither act brought a full cast of characters; missing at the very least the horns from both shows. such a big part of latin and soca music, i feel the horns section is not to be missed/left behind - even when it means flying the musicians and their brass to dc from trinidad or spain. hell, explain to me that my ticket price hasta jump $10 so they can afford a show with horns and i'd tell you to make it twenty and don't forget to include manu's second vocalist with all the hot lyrics and machel's wining girls proven previously to direct ones focus to the stage.
the evening air was warm and crisp and swirled a consistent hint of herb across both crowds (another benefit of the outdoor venue). the music, the weather, the vibes, a little grass, a drink, a brownie, and some corn soup all contributed nicely to a beautiful night - one simply not possible indoors.
i'll hafta plan to see both acts again in the future; hopefully with horns, probably with grass, but definitely outdoors - as the rest of my live music endeavors will have to be.
ps. while we're on the topic... you wish you had one of these.

beautiful freedom

f@*king swear jar

this trini girl wishes it wasn't an ad for bud lite. i agree. enjoy anyway.

retraction

a while back i mentioned a good deed from a startling location. i believe it came across as a surprise in human quality. i would like to retract those comments from the record. that person is definitely an asshole and the good deed musta simply been an accident. and i musta been high. really high. sorry to mislead you.

reaching new heights

yesterday as i wandered the nature's best photography exhibit at the national museum of natural history i came across this picture of a dolphin on the nose of a giant humpback whale taken off the coast of kauai, hawaii. lori mazzuca, photographer and marine biologist, tells of the odd interaction between two dolphins and this humpback in which, with great understanding between species, the whale gently lifted the dolphin out of the water where the dolphin laid atop the whale's rostrum for as long as she could hold on.
maybe it was a dolphin-double-dare that led to this stunt or maybe she simply wanted to work on her tan before vacationing off the coast of mexico. my personal opinion is that the good-natured humpback willingly aided the dolphin in her endless desire to reach new heights and perhaps a new sense of freedom (which i imagine is possibly the most universal desire across the entire animal kingdom).

in the middle of a museum filled with the contents of our world was a picture of understanding and caring between two beautiful creatures and i found myself hoping that we might all someday share that understanding. though, i suppose that before we can expect that level of understanding with other species we must first learn to understand and love our own.
the nature's best exhibit is fantastic and a great transition for me, an avid photographer, especially after just completing bbc's planet earth series as seen on the discovery channel. i would highly recommend seeing the exhibit in person if you have the means but i hooked you up with a link to all the photos and their stories in case you can't venture to the museum before it's closing which has been extended until october 28, 2007.

up next: bodies: the exhibition, currently at the dome in rosslyn, virginia also open until october 28, 2007.

*if you have the interest or simply haven't seen much of the planet earth series. the bbc, planet earth and discovery channel links above are amazing and full of great videos and information.

tempur-pedic contraception

a while back i had the opportunity to lay down on one of those tempur-pedic beds. i leaped onto the mattress that was sitting at least waist high and began to sink into the sand colored dais. i fought the sand, finding refuge in the pillow floating on the surface. finally calm, i suddenly understood why people say these beds are so amazing. first the mattress holds you allowing you to feel completely weightless. next the mattress caresses you easing away all your stress. then, right before the mattress begins to lull you to sleep, you're out. 8hours later the store supervisor wakes you to tell you that they're closing. here's my problem: as i lie on my back in the moments before i passed out i pictured, as i assume everyone does, whomever was the object of my desire at the time mounted on top of me. in it's brilliance (i have a great imagination) i couldn't see us, or anyone for that matter, having great 'fuck me harder' kinda sex on this bed. with so much cushion in the mattress i just can't see a lot of success with neither the pump, the thrust, nor the grind. if i'm right and it is harder to fuck on tempur-pedic beds, i suppose the owners of these beds have an array of other surfaces to fuck on (a carpeted floor may seem safe - i recommend use of a blanket). a bed shouldn't be built as simply a place to rest but as a sexual tool. beds have to be comfortable and functional at the same time. now there is the chance that i am completely off base here and people everywhere are thanking their tempur-pedic beds for reviving their sex lives and if so i would love for someone to set me straight and maybe let me try it out?!? ps. i feel the same way about those sleep number beds. and it seems to me that when sleeping, whomever has the firmer side of the mattress is always going to slip off onto the softer side of the bed.

sidebar boredum

i just added a few links to my sidebar to deter boredom at work. the japanese talent show links to a sweet trini post that will guide you through the website (it's in japanese). this is some of the coolest video on the web. the impossible quiz is not nearly as impossible as it may seem at first. i've gotten through question 102 and can tell you that it is certainly possible to complete it. use your head and you shouldn't have any problem. finally, the kingdom of loathing is the cheapest (it's free) rpg available. i used to be a seal clubber but that account closed on me a while back. now i'm an accordion thief. mind your instruments.

marley notes

please realise that these are simply notes for my own purposes as much as anything. i found it quite hard to write about this show. beautiful show. shit crowd. needless to say the steven+damian 'jr. gong' marley show was incredible, though i can't help but imagine sweet trini's outdoor venue solution which is clearly the more conceptually sound decision. the 930club's cramped, sardine-style space doesn't make for any kind of much needed mobility. of course, i suppose some wouldn't call it a show if you don't fight your way to the front (9people back from dead center with a great look of stephen on the mic) only to be dry-humped half the night by some guy's girl simply so you can save some room for you and yours to move and breathe. dude needed to keep his girl in check but instead decided against exchanging words with me after mistakenly grabbing my arm. with a little confrontation in the crowd and a completely different confrontation on stage, the lights, rhymes and beats contributed to a brillant array of color and sound, easing hearts and cleansing souls the way live music do; especially true with the marley's. walking for the car in the brisk night air post-show, i felt so much lighter. great show. read this brilliance from a most amazing mind.

feels just like i'm walking on broken glass

why broken glass? perhaps more importantly, why quote annie lennox? the answers are simple. i need a rug. i managed to shatter both of my bowls on the hard tile floor of my place in 24hours (one wednesday night, the second thursday afternoon). one of the bowls, the newly deceased, was made for and had been with me for closing on seven years. the other piece made it's journey into my repertoire of paraphernalia courtesy of amy, who acquired it for me at bonnaroo2004 (which she enjoyed without me). so both beautiful pieces explode on my newly swept and mopped floor sending color, glass and resin everywhere leaving me bowl-less and walking on broken glass - thank you annie lennox. damn, do i need a rug. still without carpet and confined to papers on friday, this trini girl i know suggests a choose-our-own adventure-mission across the dc terrain to find me a new piece. k+g news stand, just two blocks from work, downtown, provided us with our first destination. it turned out to be our last. i was picking up new glass for maybe the tenth time; it was elisha's virgin experience (she came up rolling everything). i walked in looking for blues, greens and yellows as always, followed the end of elisha's finger and found my perfect piece. it is perfect too. all of the intricacies of it's perfection have been fully realised and discussed with participating parties and i think we are both in love. i'da let her have the piece had i known then that she cherishes it as i do. i am thrilled to report that elisha had great successes as well, walking out with a wonderfully sexy colbalt blue bong, sized perfectly for her and an amazing bowl i can only describe as a beautiful adaptation of a red and blue squid. patience will have to be her virture though since she plans on keeping both pieces smoke-free until her return trip to trinidad. friday's positive vibes continued throughout. you should read up on our awesome food discovery on elisha's blog. i love my new perfect piece enough that i am petrified of it shattering like it's predecessors and thus the next hunt is for a rug. damn, do i need a rug. until then every time i smoke over this floor it feels just like i'm walking on broken glass. walking on. walking on. broken glass.

human quality

often when someone i've pretty much written off as 'asshole' does the littlest thing to remind me that they're human, i somehow find myself accepting them as human. thanks for the chocolate necco's.

note: a shower stall

when showering in a shower stall where the temperature of the water is dependent upon the direction of the handle (found appropriately at elbow height), always be sure to turn in the direction of the hot (counter-clockwise in my case). better for the water to scold me quick than kill me slowly with pneumonia.

worldly notes

this is something i pulled from the notebook that i wrote a few months ago. it is incomplete. i haven't often revisited the state of mind i was in when i wrote it, so i just assume post it unfinished with the possibility of completing it in the future. outrageous, outlandish poetry turns words to bloody money for the poetically poor - struggling through the standards to fit the norms of a society designed to make the rich richer. health and health care exist for the elite while the rest turn to smoke to withstand the stress of being sick of the street. streets of a world where the rich forge wars against unfortunate souls and an unexpecting envirnoment. blood for money comes thick as oil, killing seals and melting ice caps with smelters that destroy paradise. clear cutting trees becomes cut+clear that rainforests no longer reign supreme. the rain pools in lifeless fields no longer suitable to sustain life - the suits get nicer; the rich richer. nature fights back, flooding valleys and spreading disease. hiv positively aids her in the fight against negativity - sacrificing those not prosperous enough to survive; creating a viral genocide combated only through education. but where are the schools? where are the teachers? they sit in rooms lonely, with books getting dusty. the street corners call kids from classrooms. saved from the bell, their bags and books are replaced with bricks that slowly build their walls of confinement - leaving behind the schoolhouse for the jailhouse. books and bars; the only things left to befriend. no dust found on those books now for they are the only true great escape beyond the bars and back to the world. outside it's sunny and warm in the depths of winter - no snowmen are skiing this year. instead avalanches and islands of ice appear as the world melts around us. maybe there is something to this global warming phenomenon?

musicovery

what do you feel for?

the three second killers

a great video of everyone's true favourite art form: martial. these guys aren't slow. enjoy. ... and this one is for all the inventors and macgyver fans out there. i really am trying to get away from video links.

seriously def poetry

i spent some time this evening watching 3hours of def poetry on comcast's ondemand (it's comcastic) so that i could catch up on the current season. i must say that it was incredibly encouraging to see such beautiful talent beaming from so many young artists. in a time when this world seems to be on a collision course with disaster, be it natural or manufactured, it is nice to find that not all youths are completely lost of the consciousness. those like dahlak braithwaite, who has braved the stage on def poetry more than once, and others like him will be the leaders and teachers when it comes time for the revolution. we will fight with brushes, pens, and photo lens. and we will win with words, dance and our own two hands. you must be the change you want to see in the world. def poetry continues to celebrate those willing to stand up for change - i, just briefly, wanted to celebrate def poetry. ps. i am aware of my recent increase of video links in posts. my only justification is that i wouldn't link to them if i didn't find them brilliant on some level.

crash

the landing was a debacle. a wintry mix of snow and ice forced a downward spiral that left me stranded and alone; cargo scattered across miles of terrain. left to spend the night wandering over seemingly familiar landscape; slowly stopping through the snow while i gathered the boxes that had once circled the sky with me. a snowy earth mirrored a heavy sky, reflecting the same moonlit glow that highlighted the clouds; illuminating each of my cavernous footsteps just enough to lead me back to the wreckage after each outing. as the snow grew brighter, now tinted with hints of orange and pink from the sky, i began the journey from my wreckage to my home, dragging what cargo i did gather on a piece of metal from the crash. arriving at what is suppose to be called home, i lugged my duffel bag and sheet metal through the door. my home had no walls, no electricity; but it was new and full of possibility. now, with walls and electricity provided i am given the opportunity to paint myself my own world. and i'm gonna. again.

a new level of humiliation

the fox network has taken the typical american idiot to a whole new level of humiliation with the introduction of are you smarter than a fifth grader? this wonderful show pits fully educated adults against america's youth, testing their knowledge in simple math, well-known history and common, everyday science. hosted by the country's favourite redneck moron, jeff foxworthy, the show proves both that the education system in this country is working to some degree (assuming the show isn't completely rigged) and that a typical american has a lower education level than a 10year old. a new low in reality from the american public and it's producers. congratulations. posts about the landing are in progress.

clear for landing

after holding in a pattern for the past couple of months my skies are finally clear. my earth, warm and welcoming, anxiously awaits my arrival as i anxiously await another fresh start. i am packing up my life and moving to new residence; purging my life along the way. while the move will temporarily remove me from my blog, i expect the experience will bring about a post or two. i should be back sooner than later. it'll hopefully be a safe landing - leaving me grounded, happy and home.

love and happiness

news about the brain always fascinates me. check out what the albert einstein college of medicine in new york are finding out about your loving brain. such a fitting story on the day we celebrate saint valentine and whatever it is that he did.

failing a generation

check out this report unicef released regarding the welfare of the world's children. it's completely upsetting that such global powers are neglecting their youth. perhaps there are bigger battles to fight than the ones about resources and power?!?

maybe i'm crazy...

... but gnarls barkley's st. elsewhere is still a part of my regular rotation. cee-lo and dangermouse are masters of the popculture craft, fusing two completely different styles into a spark of artistic innovation producing a sound that makes you sit up and take notice. their touch extends to their album/record covers and 3music videos as well, which if you haven't seen are included below: i thought about linking the artwork to it's corresponding video but then you can't look at the close up of the art. the artwork is first, the music videos below.

crazy - directed by graphic designer robert hales gone daddy gone - directed by chris milk smiley faces - directed by robert hales

they have been nominated for 5grammy awards this year including 'record of the year' for crazy and 'album of the year.' given their competition they should win both awards and then produce a new album... possibly?!?

another random life event

i was leaving the district tonight, slightly high and content with the days events, when suddenly an array of lights and sirens from at least a dozen cops filled the road behind me. i briefly judged my own driving over the past minute to ensure that i wasn't responsible for this intense police response. i wasn't. instead of being asked to keep my hands on the wheel i was being 'belled and whistled' forward into the intersection. as requested, i moved out into the intersection where i would sit as the cruisers weaved around me and off to save the world. it was a moment later when i realised exactly what the cops were doing out. as i pulled into the intersection i was immediately joined by a rust red nissan pathfinder, sprinting from my left, that swerved around my front end and off into the distance. he was followed by the dozen cops behind me and the few that were already in pursuit of the pathfinder. i just witnessed a high speed chase. as the amazement of the situation faded i thought about how a high speed chase isn't normally something seen in real life but is rather found in your typical action flick* or the la freeway. ...adding to my list of random life events. #2,179: witnessed a high speed chase. *the action flick link was originally the chase scene from the french connection, hailed by most as the first car chase in cinema. i later changed it to the transporter simply because i love the opening chase scene.

coachella

the 3day music festival in indio, california has assembled a pretty good bill for it's late april show including a third day ending finale of manu chao with radio bemba followed by the reunion of rage against the machine. stephen marley featuring jr. gong, ghostface killah, the brazilian girls, the roots and the chili peppers round out the bill nicely.

suits and straightjackets and cashback

during a past fff, a character briefly mentioned my suits and straightjackets theory. i thought i would take a moment to broaden and bring some understanding to the theory. before i continue, i must recognise that there are two types of people other than myself. there are (1) those of you lucky enough to not have to suffer through the angst of wearing a suit as a daily routine, and there are (2) those of you who may actually enjoy wearing a suit, believing that it brings a sense of accomplishment, importance and professionalism to your career and life. it doesn't. for me and those like me, the suit isn't a choice. the suit is an inconvenient, uncomfortable aspect of a job probably hated if for nothing other than the uniform; the straightjacket. the suit, merely itchy at first, becomes tighter with passing hours, strangling every part of my body and leaving behind the pins and needles felt throughout as my fingers and toes go numb. the suit coat weighs heavy on my shoulders and ties down my arms, the pants stiffen, cramping my legs and the tie hangs like a thousand pound noose around my neck. physically exhausted from it's weight, i feel the threads of the suit begin to weave themselves into my skin - it'll bind to me forever if i don't remove it soon. the suits handle on me grows a little each day thriving on it's eventual takeover and my becoming what i hate most: a suit. the suit near unbearable, i try to divert my mind toward cheating time; fast-forwarding until i reach home where the suit tears away at me as i tear away at it. i concentrate my day on loosing track of time by avoiding clocks, playing stupid games for added distraction and daydreaming about life. it is oddly reminiscent of sean ellis's recent short film cashback in which a young grocery worker discusses life on the night shift - notice the girl sporting the penn state sweatshirt (my alma mater). ellis's oscar-nominated short is brief genius and reminded me of a fantasy i recently discovered when reading nicholson baker's the fermata, a book i will definitely read again. i highly recommend watching the short and reading the book; they are both great works of art. my recommendation must come with a disclaimer that both mediums contain adult content and thus i must insist that you ask an adult before enjoying either - and you will enjoy them, trust me.

subway: eat what?

while trekking across the city today i stopped by the local subway to fill my empty stomach. with the perfect sandwich in mind i walked into a completely vacant restaurant immediately filled with the joy of being the next, first and only person in line. i approached the counter, standing like a pro under the 'order here' sign, when i suddenly realised the restaurant was void of both patron and employee. with the faint sound of running water coming from further within, i waited patiently until my solitude began to weigh on my time schedule. with a more than friendly knock on the glass, two eyes flashed from around a corner beyond the cash register. the eyes fled briefly, rounded the corner and were then followed by the pleasant smile of a young woman. with places to be, i got right to the task at hand, sharply delivering step one of the subway process: 'foot long, subway melt on wheat.' she pulls and cuts a white roll. maybe she misheard me? 'wheat,' i restated and with a soft 'sorry' she switched rolls, pointing at the wheat for my approval before pulling it from its tray. what i soon came to realise was that the nice woman preparing my sandwich didn't understand a vast majority of what i was saying. my expeditious stop for the long awaited sandwich in jeopardy, i found myself in a panic, pointing at some meats and cheeses, discarding others. i would point, she would point and with an agreeing nod, the selected would make it's way to the bread. the finger pointing method was working well until we stalled out looking for the bacon (a key element for any truly great sandwich). after a 10minute search for the bacon, i was about ready to forget the sandwich all together and get on my way down the road when a second, unexpected employee turned the corner from the back room. the language barrier, smaller but still stifling what should be a fast process, the second employee toasted the sub after which we began working through the second step: the veggies, sauces and spices. at this point, it was not to my surprise that they were out of barbecue sauce and didn't even carry old bay seasoning; nor did they have coca-cola available (neither bottled nor fountain varieties). i paid (the unfortunate third step), waiting another 10minutes for a pen to sign off on the now cold sandwich. totally discouraged with my half hour subway stop and now well behind schedule, i left, cola-less, with my partially constructed sandwich and a sour attitude. the sourness past relatively quickly and after adding barbecue sauce and old bay from my own kitchen the sandwich was quite good. in future, i will, however, avoid the local subway in hopes of dealing with faster food.

schwaggy

in recent weeks i have come across a run of some really awful schwaggy grass. i call it schwaggy because it isn't exactly schwag, but it isn't exactly grass either. it's been a real disappointment for someone who gets maybe a few hours a day to even come close to relaxing. this strand of shitty grass has interrupted my enjoyment and relaxation on more than one occasion and has upset me enough to deliver this post. the quality of recent herb has been staggering. in the last couple weeks i have had the harshest, the most bitter and one of the most fleeting grasses i have ever smoked. 3 different grasses, each with it's own different terrible result. now my throat is sore, my mouth still tastes tart and my head, far too sober. why not just buy better herb? simply because i have a hard enough time trying to pay rent and gas my car - better herb isn't always the easiest, best solution. nevertheless, plans are already in the works to fix past spliff tragedies. with any luck these joints will be left far behind us with nothing but wonderful, smooth, long-lived tastiness in our future. goodbye schwaggy grass. here's to tasty trees. until next time, this is i wishing everyone sticky, green wishes and cannabis dreams. may all your smokes be good smokes. good night.

superme

i told you i was a superhero. i told you my uniform was under my suit. well this survey outed me. 90% will power and imagination, 90% fast and flirtatious. my secret is out. i'll save you. i am the green lantern. i have strong will power and a good imagination. i am the flash. i am fast and flirtatious. (superme is unfortunately unable to figure out how to get rid of all this empty space.)

green lantern		90%
the flash		90%
iron man		65%
robin		65%
hulk		60%
batman		60%
spider-man		55%
supergirl		55%
catwoman		55%
superman		50%
wonder woman		45%

maybe you can be a superhero too.

punk'd out

i caught a preview on television this evening of some movie starring an overly-tatted justin timberlake which made me probe the obvious questions regarding the validity of a movie willing to star everyone's favourite mousketeer. as the preview ended i sat, stunned, feeling as though i must had just been punk'd by mr. moore. it occurred to me moments later that my favorite justin timberlake moment is watching him bawl to his mommy while the punk'd irs repossess all his stuff. please be aware that i am in no way condoning the show punk'd or it's creator - the show is absolutely awful. kutcher and his clan of cronies blew their load on the timberlake episode and have never come close to matching it's caliber. their faces (token trucker hats included) plastered all over hollywood for half a second provided all the warning the rest of the 'beautiful people' needed to catch on to these pseudo-jackass wannabe's game. by the second season kutcher had become obsolete, leaving his face and voice behind for hosting purposes. the cast had to be refreshed in a desperation attempt to revive the element of surprise to the show. quickly running out of ideas and celebrities to punk they turned to us, the public, for continued 'quality programming:' punking the everyday teenage girl shopping with her friends or a random guy just trying to take his date to dinner. punk'd had suddenly become candid camera. punk'd had punked out. still punking the occasional b or c list celebrity, the cast and crew couldn't live up to the challenge they had set for themselves - punking the currently famous icons. any idiot can plan on pulling a practical joke on an everyday jack or jill, but it takes a sly hand and a conniving mind to punk those people we all want to watch cry to their mommies. a truly successful punk should be well researched, developed and then brilliantly unleashed on it's prey. why not punk donald trump by locking out his bank accounts and canceling all his credit cards? now that would be a punk to be proud of. instead the show is a nothing more than a bunch of punks who are only punking themselves. i suppose kutcher and company had two options; punk out or man up - thank you for punking out and saving us all from your shit programming.

intolerable ignorance

a co-worker of mine today said that she hopes if/when she has children, ideally 5children, that they are gay like her. for someone who isn't afraid to announce to the world that she's gay and won't hold back a second to tell off anyone who's opinion differs from her own, i was shocked at such a statement from someone i had thought to be a more open-minded individual. her ignorance was astonishing and when i called her on it, she started to tell me off when i said that 'it would be no different than someone hoping for all straight children.' she could, of course, see the wrong in that situation and had to agree with my assessment. argument won easily enough. still, i didn't appreciate such ignorance. open your mind.

traffic jam

i drive my little piece of shit car all over the pothole-encrusted streets of this city, often feeling like every suv-driving-asshole is purposely trying to slow my travels to a crawl. it seems that no matter how much time i allow myself to reach a given destination the inevitable cluster-fuck of asshole-drivers surround me with an array of break lights and quick turns (without signal). even when i beat those assholes with a series of amazing maneuvers and lightning speed the district finds a way to fuck me up the tailpipe with the usual construction zone or inconvenient detour. and of course i have found the joy of really needed to get somewhere through the rush-hour traffic only to have the road bite back and leave me changing a tire after an crater in the asphalt tried to swallow my car. the streets of dc truly are an unparalleled obstacle course even greater than those marc summers would have you and your family running on double dare. add some rain to the dc turf and you too could be slipping and sliding around town like your family through the slime. whether you have 60seconds on the clock or 60minutes to get across town, the course is designed for failure. the obstacles, be it slide and slime or assholes and potholes, will, with near certainty, always make you late to the finish line. in my travels i have to keep a tight schedule and thus always allow enough time to reach any desired destination. it's not a lack of planning or time management on my part. it is the assholes and obstacles on the road that contribute to my angst toward dc driving. if only i didn't have to share the road with all the assholes, bitches, motherfuckers and other foes that have been cursed from my lips as i race past; the streets would be empty and the driving, dare i say, enjoyable - potholes excluded. ironically the same city streets that i loathe with such passion will be encompassing me in a matter of weeks when i move further into the heart of dc. you probably think that i'll end up driving in more of the traffic i hate but the reality is that i'll be driving significantly less; hopefully placing myself minutes away from the job and several other places of interest. instead of sitting behind the wheel yelling at the traffic gods, i could be walking (taking the physical challenge) in front of cars whose drivers would be yelling about me. it sounds blissful. driving will still be part of my daily routine and the roads will still be tainted with holes. but maybe we can take all the asses and fill all the pots.

the chronicles of narnia

after all the hype while it was in theatres, i finally saw it. truth be told, i find it sad that i get more enjoyment out of a 2.5minute snl spoof about the chronic-(what?)-cles of narnia than the movie itself. if you haven't seen it, check out the skit. it's hilarious and one of the only funny things to come out of snl in the last 5years.

holiday season: just add patience

i've always held great distain for the holiday season. it has always been a time that continuously presents me with constant worry, stress and opportunity for huge error. this holiday season was no different and lived up to every expectation. it included the usual family debacle spiced up with added house guests and inconvenient circumstances. add a dash of near unbearably bad timing and an unimaginably nauseating rollercoaster of emotions and you are left with an all too familiar series of 'christmas miracles' - some of which are still turning my stomach. the unfortunate events of my sickening holiday season don't allow me look for sympathy or a sedative because i cooked up this recipe on my own and, thus, have to eat what i stewed. the harsh words, raised voices and sarcastic undertones contributed to a variety of arguments too wretched to rehash now and too bitter to ever want to taste again (like aloe). i realised, only after having more than my fill, that the cuisine could've tasted so much better if i had added one main ingredient: patience. one might think that adding some patience to the holiday seasoning must mean that i typically boil in conversation when i simply need to simmer. the truth of the matter is that i am one of the most level-headed people you could ever meet and the patience isn't to keep me from blowing up; but rather keep me from giving up. i all too often misplace the patience, or forget to add it to the recipe, and then after about 5hours of cooking up the same fight i loose the ambition to continue stirring the sauce and just let it burn. sure, it'll taste like shit, but i've lost the patience to make it flavorful for everyone and, typically, give in. if i just add patience to the mix i would be closer to the perfect recipe and creating something that everyone can enjoy. no one likes being forced to eat sour meat and i feel terrible that some had to even smell it in the air. future arguments will find me with spoonfuls of patience at hand in order to prevent distasteful concoctions and create gourmet happiness. together - we will eat fine home-cooked cuisine again.