traffic jam

i drive my little piece of shit car all over the pothole-encrusted streets of this city, often feeling like every suv-driving-asshole is purposely trying to slow my travels to a crawl. it seems that no matter how much time i allow myself to reach a given destination the inevitable cluster-fuck of asshole-drivers surround me with an array of break lights and quick turns (without signal). even when i beat those assholes with a series of amazing maneuvers and lightning speed the district finds a way to fuck me up the tailpipe with the usual construction zone or inconvenient detour. and of course i have found the joy of really needed to get somewhere through the rush-hour traffic only to have the road bite back and leave me changing a tire after an crater in the asphalt tried to swallow my car. the streets of dc truly are an unparalleled obstacle course even greater than those marc summers would have you and your family running on double dare. add some rain to the dc turf and you too could be slipping and sliding around town like your family through the slime. whether you have 60seconds on the clock or 60minutes to get across town, the course is designed for failure. the obstacles, be it slide and slime or assholes and potholes, will, with near certainty, always make you late to the finish line. in my travels i have to keep a tight schedule and thus always allow enough time to reach any desired destination. it's not a lack of planning or time management on my part. it is the assholes and obstacles on the road that contribute to my angst toward dc driving. if only i didn't have to share the road with all the assholes, bitches, motherfuckers and other foes that have been cursed from my lips as i race past; the streets would be empty and the driving, dare i say, enjoyable - potholes excluded. ironically the same city streets that i loathe with such passion will be encompassing me in a matter of weeks when i move further into the heart of dc. you probably think that i'll end up driving in more of the traffic i hate but the reality is that i'll be driving significantly less; hopefully placing myself minutes away from the job and several other places of interest. instead of sitting behind the wheel yelling at the traffic gods, i could be walking (taking the physical challenge) in front of cars whose drivers would be yelling about me. it sounds blissful. driving will still be part of my daily routine and the roads will still be tainted with holes. but maybe we can take all the asses and fill all the pots.