Saturday, May 19, 2007

tempur-pedic contraception

a while back i had the opportunity to lay down on one of those tempur-pedic beds. i leaped onto the mattress that was sitting at least waist high and began to sink into the sand colored dais. i fought the sand, finding refuge in the pillow floating on the surface. finally calm, i suddenly understood why people say these beds are so amazing. first the mattress holds you allowing you to feel completely weightless. next the mattress caresses you easing away all your stress. then, right before the mattress begins to lull you to sleep, you're out. 8hours later the store supervisor wakes you to tell you that they're closing. here's my problem: as i lie on my back in the moments before i passed out i pictured, as i assume everyone does, whomever was the object of my desire at the time mounted on top of me. in it's brilliance (i have a great imagination) i couldn't see us, or anyone for that matter, having great 'fuck me harder' kinda sex on this bed. with so much cushion in the mattress i just can't see a lot of success with neither the pump, the thrust, nor the grind. if i'm right and it is harder to fuck on tempur-pedic beds, i suppose the owners of these beds have an array of other surfaces to fuck on (a carpeted floor may seem safe - i recommend use of a blanket). a bed shouldn't be built as simply a place to rest but as a sexual tool. beds have to be comfortable and functional at the same time. now there is the chance that i am completely off base here and people everywhere are thanking their tempur-pedic beds for reviving their sex lives and if so i would love for someone to set me straight and maybe let me try it out?!? ps. i feel the same way about those sleep number beds. and it seems to me that when sleeping, whomever has the firmer side of the mattress is always going to slip off onto the softer side of the bed.

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