people have always worried about my earthly age more than i have. for many years when questioned i'd have to figure the math before answering. i seem to have more of a handle on that these days if for no other reason than to avoid a dumbfounded look when i can't answer immediately. as a child i was allowed 3birthday parties at 5, at 10, and at 15years old. i waived the last one; by then celebrating seemed wasteful.
my theory has always been that each day your a year older than you were a year ago so celebrate everyday, not one day.
something is changing though. i'm half way through 30 suddenly and feel as though i'm only now awakening. awakening isn't really the right word. it's a safe word i use to keep from stating the reality. the reality is that i'm only just now beginning to chase my dreams, which isn't quite the truth either. i suppose the truth is that i'm only just now beginning to believe in myself; in my ability to succeed at more than the mundane. i'm only, at 30.5years old, just finding out that what i have to share with the world is real+beautiful+brilliant. my ideas, my art, my effort isn't for not. it matters. but most of all it can make a difference. it can better the world around me.
you see, like many people, i was trained not to chase my dreams but to chase a living. to work toward satisfactory. to survive. a mediocre job and roof overhead was suppose to be enough. and i'm great at that... the surviving part. if everything in this world goes to shit, look for me... i'll be the one thriving through it all; surviving. though being satisfactory and surviving the way i do isn't enough. i'm not accomplishing nearly what i'm capable of.
what i have inside of me can be a light of good+worth+wonder. i can change norms with my ideas. i can expand minds. i can leave a mark. as a friend so wonderfully put just recently, it's about time i become the eye of the storm. i spinning into it just now... hold on. these winds are gonna get strong.
spin strong.
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