the ambivalent man must certainly die of self strangulation. calloused hands clenching neck; left fighting right for position. tighter until he gags. tighter until he coughs. tighter until he collapses. lungs begging for freedom. sucking for air. blood fiendishly begging for oxygen. shallow breaths. deeper breaths. he regains consciousness. regains focus. regains strength. regains determination. regains contempt; falling back to knees. battling hands as they again squeeze down on esophagus. doomed to repeat the process. damned to survive death. dying to live. fighting to die.